Let me fast-forward to the bedroom on our wedding night.
My sleep was a torture. Yes it was. I mean my enthusiasm for the entire consummation of my newly and legally wedded wife had been successfully thwarted by my wife’s mother, my mother in-law, and she doesn’t even care. The annoying part was, she kept calling me to assist her with finding things very close to her. Like the remote control to the TV she happened to be sitting on. At that point, I gave up. I searched for some earphones to block my ears from hearing her when she called again.
But to be honest, my wife’s mother, my mother in-law, was a sweet woman. Yes, was, because right now what she has been doing dier only God knows.
When my wife and I were dating and she invited me over, I was very nervous and, should I say, scared. But then my wife’s mother, my mother in-law, realized it and she made me feel at home. She said “don’t worry, relax. My husband felt the same way when he met my parents.” She then brought some fufu with light soup with meat that from all indications was goat, because the soup dissipated the smell of the goat through combined effort of osmosis and diffusion. She later brought some sweet and savouries as dessert after the meal.
When I washed my hands and placed it in to ‘slice’ the first morsel of fufu, my wife’s father startled me from behind. “Kwɛ, so you are the guy who does not allow my daughter to come home early eh?” My wife’s mother, my mother in-law replied “My friend leave him alone. What didn’t we do when we were young?” At that moment I believed what Solomon wrote in the Book of Ecclesiastes that there is nothing new under sun. But I must confess that my wife’s father was pretty awesome. Call him a young old man. He even arranged a date with his daughter and planned and paid for everything. And when I thought things couldn’t be any less surprising, my wife’s mother, mother in-law called and said “in case the two of you will be late in coming back, we have reserved a room at Movenpick for you two so just relax and enjoy yourself.” I can’t describe how I felt at that point in words but then they could trust me enough with their daughter which gave me the notion that I have been accepted into the family.
But right now, the woman dey bore me. She spent 3 full days at our house. She managed to distract and disrupt everything the Lord was putting together asunder. My wife saw that things were getting out of hand and had a very long chat on the third night with her mother. She had apologised to me several times but then I was ‘losing’ it.
On the fourth day, my wife had packed all of her mother’s belongings at dawn and placed them in the living room. But the woman get delay tactics rough. She waited till 6pm before she decided it was time for her to leave and she finally took another 2 hours to step out of the door. We didn’t even see her off. She had overstayed her unrequested visitation.
Now I started smiling, winking and eyeing my wife like something bi. She caught the message in her spirit and we both knew that finally the hour has come.
Adwoa: Baby please join me in the bathroom
Me: No need to ask hun. (In fact, I was already removing my shirt heading to the bathroom)
Minutes later, she got into bed ready to unleash her powers like Ayittey Powers and I was ready to dive in like Baby Jet. So I decided to turn off the lights but then ECG got there first and did me the honour.
The coast was clear all was set and as I started to mount the bed, from nowhere my wife’s mother, my mother in-law spoke from the window
Mother in-law: Maame Adwoa…eeii na Maame Adwoa won fii mi? Adɛn biribi kɔ so anaa?
Adwoa: Oh maa na adɛn?
Mother in-law: “Maame Adwoa, ya bɔ sɛn?”
At that point, I could not take it any longer and that was when I picked up the phone to call Counselor Lutterodt.
To be continued…
A Verse by Kotey.