My Wife & I (Verse 6)

wifeSorry it has taken me two weeks to update you. It wasn’t my fault. The things that were happening were too much for me to avoid. In fact, you won’t believe what happened when the ‘renowned’ counselor, Counselor Lutherodt, stepped in to ‘salvage’ the situation.

Oh my God, it was like I have been set up as a character in one of the soap operas.

On the night I called him, he arrived with a Uber and told the driver that I will be the one to pay. Just like that. I asked myself “Did I call him here to pay his fare or I brought him here to offer counselling?” But I no bore. I wired some GHC 150 from my mobile money account to the driver who left smiling.

So he sat down and placed his briefcase on the dining table (He literally had to ask my wife for dinner, before asking for water. Thank God we still had some leftovers from the wedding in the freezer. We just microwaved some for him). He puled out a whole bulk of files claiming these were similar cases he had handled before and would solve it under one minute. But first he…….hold on for one minute.

All of a sudden I could hear some ‘kukrukukru’ in our bedroom. Saa naa my wife’s mother, my mother in-law, had gone inside and is unpacking her stuff from her suitcase. she was like “So you think I need counselling eh? Afei na ma be wɔ so ama wo.”

Then Counselor Lutherodt also lifted his voice and casted his eyes unto the heavens from where cometh his ‘help’ and said “Father, this ‘Jezebelic’ attitude of a nagging mother in-law must be dipped into the two gallons of sulfuric acid and rolled down the hills of Mt Kilimanjaro.” Then he looked at her and said “Woman, were you the one that got married? Stop behaving like you’ve been possessed.” The room became dead silent, and my wife chuckled, trying to suppress her laughter.

Next he said “Brother, now you have to pick a form for GHC100 and then settle the consultation fee of GHC200.” So I was like “Ah, did I bring you here to solve my problems or to become a financial burden?”. Him: “My friend pay the thing and stop behaving like a Fante, only my fante clients are that selfish.”

After settling the initial requirement, he then asked me to narrate my ordeal. It took me 2 minutes and 30 seconds for me to finish. Then he turned to my wife’s mother, my mother in-law, and asked her to narrate her side of the story. It took her 1 hour 15 minutes and 33 seconds. By the time she was done, I didn’t even remember the first thing she said.

Then he brought out holy water that he claimed he got from Israel mixed with oil made from a fig tree where Christ’s tomb laid open. Then he asked my mother in-law and I to kneel down and raise our hands for a special baptism. He then sprinkled this on us from head to toe. In the end, I started smelling like befloaf. Just then he started to sing Shatta Wale’s “Taking Over” like a gospel worship song. I had to open one eye to see if he was serious.

After few moments of being in the ‘spirit’ he then came down to earth and began to do what I paid him to do.

Counselor Lutherodt [to me]: Man, stop behaving like an uncircumcised Philistine wate [My jaw dropped!].  If your mother in-law is here, what shows you can’t be with your wife? See how big the house is. And you woman [Pointing to my mother in-law], I have known from experience that Ewe women in their stages of menopause act this way. But you are a rare case and that surprises me. Moreover, such a strong-looking man has not shown any sign of erectile dysfunction or low sperm count. Now please lets all move to the bedroom.

Then he went on to do something my mind couldn’t imagine. He wanted us to act it out before him. He made my wife and I lay in bed. Yes, he wanted us to get ‘busy’ before him and my mother in-law. Can you imagine? You should have seen how my mother in-law was happy laughing. Next, he then turned the lights off himself and said “3…2…1…lights…action!”

He actually turned on the lights.

Then my wife and I said in unison, with our eyes staring at ceiling “Ao Ewuradzi, na bɔni bɛn?

The End.

PS: Sorry I had to cut it short and end it here. But I promise more interesting Verses for the times ahead. Great to have you always reading them.

With much love,

Kotey.

 

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Be Colourful

colourful.jpgSo this is a testimony or should I say an experience.

Some 5 years ago in KNUST, we had closed from lectures and were headed back to our halls. I was with some friends of mine after having being bombarded in an engineering class with some course bi.

On our way, we met this fine lady headed towards the Business School wearing their usual sea blue kind of uniform. Yes, I said fine lady. What attracted we the guys had nothing to do with her dressing, rather it was what she had put on…and it wasn’t makeup.

She had put on a very colourful smile with her fine cheeks puffed and popping out over those perfect lips that exposed her white teeth. As we got closer, as if planned, all of us walking together was like “woooww…nice smile.” It seemed she was caught unawares and couldn’t help but continue smiling and then eventually laughed as she got past us. Yeah, we turned our heads as she continued her journey down the hill.

The next day, we instinctively decided to use the same route in hope that we would see that smile again, the smile that got all of us changing the subject of whatever we talking about. I remember Giddy was very wild looking for the slightest resemblance in any lady wearing the sea blue kind of uniform. But the truth is her smile was contagious.

Indeed, we do not know how we may affect the people we meet. Be nice to strangers, you may never know where you would meet them but then more importantly, always wear a smile, you never know who would fall in love with it. Just as that lady on that faithful afternoon, did to a group of strong boys who lived happily ever after…hehehe

My name is Kotey and I say to you, be colourful.

Good morning.

Two Rats

Once upon a time, a time when rats were held in high esteem in the catacombs of the underworld, for their lives were lived under the world, there were two rats.rats.jpg

They were two ambitious little things, motivated by the cunningness of being able to sway predators and human traps. Damn, they were good. Too good that the gods considered them their god and they were revered in their entire kingdom, the kingdom of rats, for rats they were.kingdo.jpg

One lovely morning, on a day the sun’s rays touched the earth, they were on their usual hunt, a hunt to find food to feed their empty stomachs emptied out through the last feature of their digestive system. But that wasn’t a good day, the hunters became the hunted, chased by one of their most feared predator.

And so the rats raced using rudimentary racing technics rendered to every rat at birth (for it was a birth right) to run past and passed the deadly reptile. But nay, they haven’t escaped the fangs of this grieved creature…yet.

They were in a fix. They had never encountered this kind of ‘barbaric’ attack all their living lives. They decided to dig the earth to hide their heads and much of their body as fast as possible. But at that moment, in the middle of the exercise, they felt the breath of their predator on their behind, cooling the temperatures in those areas. One pissed on himself, the other’s heart pounced against his chest like the drums of the Maya being beaten in ancient Mexico when it was time for a sacrifice. So now lay before them two options: to take a chance escaping from where they started digging or to continue digging and hope that their behind will deceive their predator into thinking they are something else.

hole.jpgMy name is Kotey and sometimes in life all we need to do is to stop digging, for it was that which led us to the predicament in the first place.

Good day.

Get on Your Feet

An ant can do more on its feet than an elephant lying down.ant.jpg

No matter the size of your resources, no matter how strong your strength is, no matter your level of brilliance, no matter how retentive your memory is, no matter how quickly you can achieve tasks given you, you cannot kill a mosquito by lying on your back!elephant.jpg

It is not only a matter lying on our backs. Sometimes even by us procrastinating we achieve goals that can be achieved today to a later date. The amount of effort we channel into task determines the output each of us would receive, but then more importantly, reasonable effort. We should be careful of not putting the wrong effort into achieving a goal all in the name of working hard. The days of working hard is long gone. We must learn to work smart and more efficiently.smar.jpg

It is a known fact, that the ant can carry things that is 50 times its weight and still go back for more. Imagine if it decided to carry less in hope not damaging his ‘skeletons’.

No matter what you have set before you to achieve, remember you can do it by planning effectively and implementing your strategy and not by lying on you back.

feetMy name is Kotey and the future is for those who started working towards it yesterday. What are you doing now? Get on your feet!

Good morning.

The Heart that Spoke

This is a story told in many cultures.

There was a young man who fell in love with a beautiful woman. He wanted to marry her, but she gave him a horrible condition: to prove his love for her, he must bring her his mother’s heart.heart
The young man was tormented by this request. He loved his mother, but also was enchanted by this beautiful young woman and desired her hand in marriage. Eventually he decided to kill his mother and ran through the forest, carrying her heart to his beloved. The sun was almost down, and he tripped, the heart flying. Panicked, he looked frantically for the heart, knowing he had to find it before dark. He finally did, and on picking up the heart, it said, “Son, are you hurt? Are you all right?”
hearts.jpg
In the name of love we have done many unimaginable and unthinkable things – things that we realise after we have committed the deed. But another hidden morale of this story is that matter how much someone hurts or offends you, forgive and love the person.
My name is Kotey and among these faith, hope, and love, the greatest is love.
Good morning.

Credit: Tales of Faerie

Emotions vs. Reasoning

emotions.jpgDuring the World War II, Alan Turing managed to break the Enigma, then perceived as the unbreakable code machine of the Germans. It was through a tireless effort of everyday work and spending the night thinking on how to break the code with a team.

Before the success, their task was to break the encrypted codes being sent by the machines to find out the details being sent to the Germans. Should all possibilities be tried, it was estimated that it will take an individual 20 million years taking all the possibilities into consideration to decrypt one of the messages. They had up till midnight and all so the best minds were assembles to work at what seemed to be the impossible.

The effort paid off in one of the nights as they were at it. They successfully, decrypted the mystified codes of the Germans and could tell where each military ship was and the attack to be carried out, when and where. But they were torn between making a tactical decision and a sentimental one.

The problem was, they discovered at that moment that in 20 minutes, a U-Boat will be sunk by the Germans. Alan Turing argued that, making a move will inform the Germans that they have decrypted Enigma and will make them change the composition of it. Should they inform there to be a military action taken for the Germans to find out they have decrypted the unbreakable code or should they let the lives of the hundreds of innocent people be sank into the bottom of the ocean? They chose the latter. It was hard but the pros outweighed the cons. What they used in breaking the codes will later be referred to in our present day as the computer.

Sometimes in life, we are torn between hard choices of what seems good now with future consequences and what has immediate consequences with future benefits. Let’s make the right decisions, no matter how difficult it may, for the greater good of all mankind.

My name is Kotey.

Good morning.

My Wife & I (Verse 5)

wifeLet me fast-forward to the bedroom on our wedding night.

My sleep was a torture. Yes it was. I mean my enthusiasm for the entire consummation of my newly and legally wedded wife had been successfully thwarted by my wife’s mother, my mother in-law, and she doesn’t even care. The annoying part was, she kept calling me to assist her with finding things very close to her. Like the remote control to the TV she happened to be sitting on. At that point, I gave up. I searched for some earphones to block my ears from hearing her when she called again.

But to be honest, my wife’s mother, my mother in-law, was a sweet woman. Yes, was, because right now what she has been doing dier only God knows.

When my wife and I were dating and she invited me over, I was very nervous and, should I say, scared. But then my wife’s mother, my mother in-law, realized it and she made me feel at home. She said “don’t worry, relax. My husband felt the same way when he met my parents.” She then brought some fufu with light soup with meat that from all indications was goat, because the soup dissipated the smell of the goat through combined effort of osmosis and diffusion. She later brought some sweet and savouries as dessert after the meal.

When I washed my hands and placed it in to ‘slice’ the first morsel of fufu, my wife’s father startled me from behind. “Kwɛ, so you are the guy who does not allow my daughter to come home early eh?” My wife’s mother, my mother in-law replied “My friend leave him alone. What didn’t we do when we were young?” At that moment I believed what Solomon wrote in the Book of Ecclesiastes that there is nothing new under sun. But I must confess that my wife’s father was pretty awesome. Call him a young old man. He even arranged a date with his daughter and planned and paid for everything. And when I thought things couldn’t be any less surprising, my wife’s mother, mother in-law called and said “in case the two of you will be late in coming back, we have reserved a room at Movenpick for you two so just relax and enjoy yourself.” I can’t describe how I felt at that point in words but then they could trust me enough with their daughter which gave me the notion that I have been accepted into the family.

But right now, the woman dey bore me. She spent 3 full days at our house. She managed to distract and disrupt everything the Lord was putting together asunder. My wife saw that things were getting out of hand and had a very long chat on the third night with her mother. She had apologised to me several times but then I was ‘losing’ it.

On the fourth day, my wife had packed all of her mother’s belongings at dawn and placed them in the living room. But the woman get delay tactics rough. She waited till 6pm before she decided it was time for her to leave and she finally took another 2 hours to step out of the door. We didn’t even see her off. She had overstayed her unrequested visitation.

Now I started smiling, winking and eyeing my wife like something bi. She caught the message in her spirit and we both knew that finally the hour has come.

Adwoa: Baby please join me in the bathroom

Me: No need to ask hun. (In fact, I was already removing my shirt heading to the bathroom)

Minutes later, she got into bed ready to unleash her powers like Ayittey Powers and I was ready to dive in like Baby Jet. So I decided to turn off the lights but then ECG got there first and did me the honour.

The coast was clear all was set and as I started to mount the bed, from nowhere my wife’s mother, my mother in-law spoke from the window

Mother in-law: Maame Adwoa…eeii na Maame Adwoa won fii mi? Adɛn biribi kɔ so anaa?

Adwoa: Oh maa na adɛn?

Mother in-law: “Maame Adwoa, ya bɔ sɛn?”

Me: Aaaahhhh!

At that point, I could not take it any longer and that was when I picked up the phone to call Counselor Lutterodt.

To be continued…

A Verse by Kotey.

Good day.