I continue from my last sentence:
“Ah, maame, wei die eyɛ bɛyei.”
I stood there looking like a disappointed MP who just lost an election after being promised massive victory by his followers who danced to Onaapo. My ‘bra kwaku’ stood at attention, 90 degrees from its point of origin, perpendicular to the normal and parallel to the tiled surface of the floor. If you have never seen a volcano quenched in one instance, it happened to me in a blink of an eye. I became as cold as ice.
At that point my wife realised I was disappointed and she just held me by the hand and spoke to me in a voice Abigail spoke to David, when he was going conquer Nabal’s household that “my angel, there will be more action later. You just spare m for tonight.” I said to myself “Huh, spare you for tonight sɛn? Won’t you rather ask your mom to leave?” Lackadaisically, I responded “but then is this the time for your mom to be doing this?” and she said “You know menopause comes in different ways.” I was like, hmm ɛno nso wɔ hɔ.
As I was being calmed by my wife, her mother retorted “I guess you will be sleeping on the couch in the hall then? Oh, and please bring me a glass of water. Me pɛ de ma wɔ chilli.” At this point, I began looking for any available stone in the bedroom because I realised I was not wrestling against flesh and blood, but against the principalities and powers of this world.
My mother-in-law had a complexion that was as a product of bleaching and she managed to package it in a dress that Berlamoundi wore to the VGMA making her look like Thisway chocolate drink in a red sachet. Please I didn’t say it oo. Someone mentioned it at the wedding.
So I grabbed the phone charger from only-God-knows-where and my wife just held me by the hand, pulled me closer and gave me befitting kiss. At that moment I was in a comfortable lead and my brain seemed to have drifted from its logical reasoning. There noorr, my wife’s mother, my mother-in-law said “Herh, Adjoa, is this how I brought you up? To be kissing a married man? Let alone in my face?”
I remember telling her that “madam, if you don’t keep quiet you will be out of this house.” My wife had to whisper to me to sleep in the couch for the night just for peace to prevail to which I agreed.
So as I was stepping out and my wife was closing the door her mother, my mother-in-law, said to my face, “oo ho gbee naabu!”
ɛkaa fi anka….
To be continued…
A Verse by Kotey