The wedding was awesome. I mean it was a white wedding on the beach carried out by two ignorant Africans with a famous pastor from China as the marriage officiant, a band from Jamaica, wedding gown from Paris, décor from Dubai and food from the sea. It was her dream wedding. The honeymoon has been planned for Haiti but later changed to the Bahamas due to the storm on the fragile island. If only she had known about the loan from Bank of America that required my inheritance, the inheritance I haven’t yet inherited, as a collateral.
But then the wedding, according to Ghanaian standards, was very ‘fine’. I mean people present were more interested in the abundance of food, than offering support, assistance and sound counsel to the newly wedded couple. During the exchange of vows, I could hear one from the congregation saying “na dabɛn na yebe didi?” I nearly told the preacher to hold on so I use my bare hands to drive the son of a (____) out. But I remembered I was before the Lord so I didn’t and asked for forgiveness.
And the time came for me to kiss the bride. Oh my gosh! You should have seen how my bride’s mother quickly got up and rushed to whisper something into her ear. Later my bride, my own bride, the one I paid that whole list of dowry that could fill two exercise books, said “on a second thought, we would hug.”
I widened my eyes and said in my head “hug sɛn?” After all this while of emotional starvation and affection you are offering me a hug on this most important day? But still I no bore. I recited the first verse of Psalm 23 as I hugged her. The shock of it was, it was a Pentecostal hug (that hug that leaves a space of 2 metres between the lower parts of the hugging party). I looked at her mother and shook my head.
At long last, we finished with the wedding-cum-food party and we were on our way home. I still remember someone say in Ga “I haven’t been served oo.” But then my newly and legally wedded wife passed her hands on my thighs which made me snap out of it. Then she whispered in a voice I am sure sounded like what Delilah used to seduce Samson that “tonight, you will be so sorry that you will cry and call your mom.” At that moment I couldn’t help but tell the driver that, “Oga, increase your speed, and use the shortest possible route. Forget I borrowed the car. I will pay you twice.”
This is not the time to say prayers, I heard a voice say in my mind. No speaking of tongues either. We had managed to enter the bedroom after my impatient attempt to open the door when my wife said, “baby, please shower first.” But then like I soldier, I ‘obeyed before complain.’
So I took off my shirt, run to the shower, came out in half a second, half-dried my self and just as I was about pulling my shorts down, I heard my wife’s mother, my mother-in-law, knock and enter without being asked to come in and said “Adjoa my daughter, this is the time for me talk to you about how to be a wife. Tonight, I shall sleep by your side.”
Without knowing, I heard my mouth say out loud “Ah, maame wei die eyɛ bɛyie.”
To be continued…
A Verse by Kotey.